Prefer to listen? Thereās an audio version above.
Yoo-hoo! Iām Caroline. I write dystopian fiction set in a flooded world ā and this is where I show my work.
Ok, hereās the big news:
Iām self-publishing my dystopian novel, MAY WE PLEASE THE SEA.
Itās the book I quit my job for. The one that got me two literary agents. The one (almost) none of you have ever read. Want the pitch?
MAY WE PLEASE THE SEA
Silo meets The 100 underwater
For as long as her village has sacrificed to the sea gods, the ocean has provided. But when the food supply suddenly collapses and her island plunges into famine, Easla, a skilled spearfisher, braves the forbidden waters beyond the atoll in an attempt to bargain with the gods.
What she finds instead is a high-tech underwater research stationāproof her people were never the last humans alive. But these survivors arenāt gods, and they arenāt coming to the rescue. With their own systems slowly failing, the stationās leader sees Easlaās talent in the water as the perfect weapon for a desperate, last-ditch war.
But as Easla gets pulled into this new agenda and begins uncovering lies above and below the surface, she must decide how far sheāll go to survive in this dying worldāor if she can find a better way to live, before all the fighting destroys what little of humanity remains.
Thatās the pitch, and now hereās the twist. Iām not self-publishing it, yet! At least, not in the way you think. Becauseeeeee, I realized recently this isnāt meant to be one book. Itās actually four. (More on that below!)
So before I dig into this book to revise and expand it, Iām doing something very new for me:
Iām inviting you into the revision cave
and letting you read Act One (what will become the āfirst bookā), starting next Saturday.
So thatās the TLDR. Now, let me tell you how I got here, because boy oh boy, it sure took a while!
The Win that Turned Icky
Last year, I finished writing my second book, MOONSHOT, and sent my pitch out to literary agents (having previously parted ways with my two agents for book one). Eight literary agents requested to read the full manuscript.
Do you know how rare that is?! Agents typically request the full manuscript for 1-2% of the pitches they receive. Thatās a harder acceptance rate than Harvard!
. . . Have I told you recently that I went to Harvard?
So there I was, refreshing my email, waiting to hear back from these eight big-name agents who were actively reading my book, and instead of feeling excited, all I felt was. . . dread.
That was the first clue
Iāve been hosting a monthly meetup for fiction authors in San Diego for the past four years, so Iāve heard all about what happens behind the scenes in traditional publishing: the delayed edits followed by rushed deadlines, the soulmate editor who leaves mid-deal, the promised marketing budget that never materializes, the lack of control, data, and transparency (things I LOVE).
So Iām sitting there with my eight pending full requests, thinking, āDo I even want this?ā
And this was a very confusing thought to think! Because that has always been my goal! A goal big enough that I quit my job at LinkedIn to pursue it.
The Compliment That Made Me Feel Like a Fraud
Last August at a Harvard friendās wedding, as we were all settling into our seats for dinner, I scurried across the empty dance floor for a last-minute drink, and an old classmate stopped me right there, in the center of the room, to tell me how amazing it was that I was writing my books. That I was brave.
Yāall, this guy had co-founded a start-up that had just received a ton of funding.
And he said he was proud of me?
All I felt in that moment was shame.
I went back to my table and thought, āthis is exactly why I canāt self-publish.ā Because right now, this guy is impressed by me. By my literary agent. But if I told him I was thinking to publish it myself, he wouldnāt be any more.
Seeing my face, David asked what was wrong, and when I told him, he said, āWait, did that guy even mention publishing?ā
No, he did not. He said he was proud of me for writing books.
I was the one who decided that a book I published myself would be one Iād have to apologize for.
The judgment I was so afraid of was entirely, exclusively mine.
The Pivots šš¼
Iāll spare you the full spiraling of the following months. The short version:
I decided 1) to self-publish and
2) I would self-publish my first book, MAY WE PLEASE THE SEA, first.
I booked a book cover designer, shared the story with some trusted readers, and then one of those readers (an author whose books I love) told me:
āThis has the potential to be one of my favorite books ever, if not my favorite book ever. I just think it needs more. Thereās so much potential here and so much room to dive deeper into all of it, but that would be more like 2-4 books rather than one.ā
ā Author I respect
Instead of being frustrated that there was more revision to be done, that I quit LinkedIn six years ago, and I still donāt have a book out in the world (my favorite negative self-talk), all I could think was, ādag nabbit, heās right.ā
I had beta readers from earlier rounds tell me over and over that they wanted more, more, more, all while my literary agent at the time was telling me to cut, cut, cut.
The reasoning? Attention spans are short. Youāre competing with TikTok. Get to it faster.
I wrote this one book in four acts. But what if itās actually four books?
Does this mean Iām about to disappear again?
Thatās what I did all these prior times. Countless revisions, two agents, dozens of beta readers. Six years of work ā all behind the closed door of my revision cave.
Iām not doing that again.
Iām rebuilding this book into a series over the next few months, and Iād rather not do it alone. The version of MAY WE PLEASE THE SEA that exists right now is the manuscript that won over two top-tier literary agencies, the ones behind The Hunger Games and Enderās Game ā and nobody outside of them and my beta readers has ever read it.
Which brings me to the terrifying part: Iām giving it to you.
Confession: Iām Scared
The thought of self-publishing this book was already scary, but the thought of sharing these chapters with this list of friends is even scarier.
I donāt know if anyone wants to read my book. I donāt know if Iāll open my email after this and find that only four people joined me in the cave, and three of them are related to me.
(The irony being that I currently have exactly three paid subscribers: my mother, my grandmother, and my college roommateās mother.)
Hi, ladies. š
But thereās an excitement here that I havenāt felt in a long time. Iāve spent the past few years waiting for someone with more authority than me to say yes.
Which is strange, because that has never once been how anything in my life has worked.
When I wanted to work in China after college, I was told to get a job in New York finance first, then transfer over. āThatās how itās done.ā Instead I flew to Hong Kong over winter break, set up interviews with alumni, arranged a summer internship, and landed a full-time job there straight out of school.
When my dad died and I wanted to move back to the US and into tech, I was told to go to business school to help with the pivot. I started writing the āWhy Business School?ā essay and thought, āthis is silly, why donāt I at least try first?ā I moved to San Francisco with no job, interviewed, and LinkedIn hired me.
When I wanted to write a book, I was told to keep the job and do it on the side. I did ā for the first draft. Then I was hooked, so I quit, gave myself one year, and I got literary representation for the first novel Iād ever written!
Every time I was told to take the proper step first, I skipped it and went straight at the thing.
And every time, it worked.
Then I got an agent, and I stopped following my own advice. Which led to years of waiting for permission, for approval, for something outside my control.
The Truth?
In addition to wanting to get my book out into the world, I want to find out whether I can build an income stream from writing. One that doesnāt require me to bill hours building someone elseās business. This is an experiment, and instead of waiting for things to be perfect, Iām doing it live. (GULP!)
Whether you want to read for free or dive all the way into the deep end, here is how you can join the experiment:
š As a free subscriber, you get:
š The First Half of Act 1 (Chapters 1ā5)
Get the opening story arc delivered straight to your inbox every Saturday morning.
š§ Chapter 1 Audio
Press play on your morning walk, commute, or while doing dishes to hear me read the opening chapter.
š„ The Chapter 1 Directorās Cut Video
The first oneās free, and itās the best introduction to how my brain works. I pull out the research notes I havenāt opened in six years, show you my terrible village drawings, and explain how a shark tank in the San Francisco aquarium, a sunburn in Mexico, and a Mandarin word helped shape this book.
š¦ Ready to Go Deeper? (Inside The Cave)
If you join me in The Cave ($9/month or $90/year), you unlock the complete experience ā this is built for readers who want the full story, ocean-obsessed nerds who love research rabbit holes, and doers who want co-working accountability.
š The Complete Act 1 Story (Chapters 1ā10)
Donāt get stopped halfway through the arc. Get weekly access to every chapter drop, including the Act 1 finale where the story takes a massive, irreversible turn, o0o.
š§ The Complete Author-Read Audiobook
Turn Saturdays into hands-free story time with my author-narrated audio for all 10 chapters.
š„ 10 Exclusive Directorās Cut Videos
For every chapter, sit down with me for a candid video where I pull out my research folders to show you the āicebergā beneath the pageāfrom UN mangrove village designs, freediving courses where I held my breath for two minutes, primitive horizon timekeeping, and naming characters after sea slugs.
ā”Live Deep Work Co-Working Sessions
Need accountability to make real progress on your own big project? Sit down and body-double alongside me live twice a week during our 9-week sprint:
Tuesdays: 4:00ā5:00pm PT / 7:00ā8:00pm ET
Thursdays: 9:00ā10:00am PT / 12:00ā1:00pm ET
š¬ Subscriber Chat & AMAs
Hang out in our private chat, plus two dedicated Ask Me Anything threads during the sprint ā worldbuilding details, productivity setups, life behind the scenes, whatever youāre curious about! Iāll answer in text and voice notes.
$9/month or $90/year
š Want to Become a Big Fish? ($250 / year)
For supporters who want to sponsor the independent creation of this multi-book universe, get direct 1-on-1 access, and back this experiment.
š¦ Full Access to Everything In The Cave
All 10 chapters, the complete audio edition, all 10 Video Directorās Cuts, private chat, AMAs, and weekly co-working sessions.
š§ A 1-on-1 Strategy Session with Me (60 Mins)
A private Zoom call to untangle whatever youāre working on. We can map out your career strategy, optimize your Notion / work systems, or brainstorm your book, business, or social media. (Keep it for yourself or gift it to a colleague, family member, or friend!)
š A Piece of Snail Mail
A handwritten thank-you note delivered directly to your physical mailbox expressing my gratitude for supporting this experiment.
$250/year
Regardless of which tier you go with, or if you want to follow along for free, Iāll see you next Saturday, September 19th for Chapter One. Woo!!
š Oh my, a BONUS! š
Join In the Cave this week and get an early sneak-peek of the book cover of MAY WE PLEASE THE SEA in your welcome email ā before itās shown anywhere else! Hereās a teensy preview to whet your appetite:
šā¤ļø, Caroline
P.S. [ADDED LATER] You might have noticed that I said I would send this out on Saturday ā and if you didnāt notice, thatās perfectly okay ā and itās actually Sunday morning.
Well, I was all prepared and hyped and ready to send on Saturday, but then I showed a friend my book cover and they didnāt like it, (they actually hated it), and then they said people donāt read serialized fiction. And I felt very demoralized and delusional and āwhy bother?ā and I didnāt send this email.
Then, this morning, I woke up and I decided, āyou know what, Iād rather take action and learn through doing, even if it flopsā and I opened up my Substack to send this email. . . and I noticed something new in my dashboard. (Actually took me a few clicks because Iām not yet that familiar with the dashboard).
Turns out, an author friend from the monthly Writers Group I hosted yesterday had found this and signed up as an annual paid subscriber without telling me (which, keep in mind, I hadnāt even sent out this announcement yet!) and now Iām sitting at my desk at 9am, tearing up over $90. š„²
What Iām feeling right now that I wanted to share is:
do it scared. Even when people seem like they āhave it all togetherā, we donāt. As evidenced by me, even at the last minute, waffling and hesitating and missing my own delivery date.
support and encourage your friends. and I donāt mean that in a manipulative, bottom-of-this-email-about-me way, I mean it because I wasnāt expecting that, this morning, to see that from her. It was a kind gesture anyway, but it was a really extra special gesture this morning. Just the little reminder I needed to keep going. So, whoever that friend may be for you, pop in every once in awhile. It can mean a lot more than you think it does.
Okay, Iām sending this email now ā„
P.P.S. If you know a reader who loves the ocean and dystopian sci-fi, or a doer looking for a deep-work focus container, forward this their way!
About the Author:
Yoo-hoo! Iām Caroline, the author behind The Deep Dive. When Iām not writing, you can find me gardening my veggies and fruit trees, training my German Shepherd to talk with buttons, or working on my pull-ups.
š¬ Feel free to like or comment on this post so more Substack users can find it!
More from The Deep Dive:
I Accidentally Rebuilt the Job I Quit š²
I stopped this swimmer from being swept out to sea without ever touching him. How?
I Stopped Writing to Protect a Number š āāļø
I stopped writing to you because I was embarrassed. What fixed it was a spoon.