The Inspirational Loser: My Publishing Journey of Chutes n’ Ladders

A bit of news, and a reality check from my college reunion on what people find inspiring 😮

Caroline Fowler Davis

Jun 20, 2024

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Note: The recording above is a reading of this newsletter, the content is no different. If you’re someone who needs or prefers to hear their news, I hope you enjoy my melodious voice.

Yoo-hoo! I’m Caroline Davis, a YA sci-fi author ~~represented by the agency behind Hunger Games. I’m currently preparing my first book, MAY WE PLEASE THE SEA, to pitch to publishers~~. This newsletter shares my latest author updates & creative process musings.

I’ve been in my Big Loosa slump.

If you don’t speak Caroline, a “big loosa” is a loser, but with an -ah at the end, which makes it sound slightly endearing even though you’re still being mean to yourself.

So far, 2024 has been my year of the Big Loosa. I haven’t shared updates because I was told that no one wants to hear bad news. No one wants to read a bemoaning of woes. But publishing woes did occur.

This newsletter doesn’t mean I now have good news. I don’t. But I’m not here to bemoan woes. I’m here to tell a tale.

But, let’s rip off the band-aid first, shall we?

I split with my literary agent in March.

Whew, that felt good to say. I mean, no, the situation itself was disappointing for both of us. But in Publishing, there’s the Empty Restaurant Syndrome. The packed restaurant must be delicious, the empty restaurant must be downright awful. So if I’ve separated with my agent, then I must be a difficult diva, an unwanted mistake.

Hence, no one talks about the ugly. We don’t want to be the empty restaurant that others don’t want to enter.

Which means, for the last few months, I’ve been looking for a new agent. Silently.

The best comparison I can use for how I’ve been feeling is: Chutes n’ Ladders.

I wrote a book, revised it for a year, pitched it to agents, got a revision request, rewrote the book over another year, signed with an agent, revised the book more with her for six months, then revised for another six months, and then, that 100th Square Win was starting to feel real.

We were going to send it to publishers. It was going to sell. It most definitely was going to sell. I mean, my beta readers had loved it! I started allowing myself to envision what that meant—would I, after four years of writing and revising, finally make money off of this story?

And then I hit that chute—that really long one in the middle of the board—that took me back to the beginning.

Chutes & Ladders board game - yellow and white squares, red chutes and brown ladders

But if you look at the board, that chute doesn’t take you to the beginning. It takes you to Square 24. Yes, I’m back looking for an agent, but I have a better book, I’m a stronger writer, I’m more confident in what I need and want in my business partners.

I had forgotten that.

Until I went to my college 10-year reunion.

I’m bopping around, talking to friends, when a classmate comes up to me and says, “I’m so inspired by you!”

My response was, “Really? Why?”

But it kept happening. People kept telling me they found my journey inspiring. And I’ve been so focused on the squares ahead, that all I could think was,

“But I no longer have an agent”,

“But I still don’t have a book deal.”

This reunion, and those classmates, reminded me—I’m not at the beginning.

a 30s white girl sitting on a small dorm room bed with blank walls — I stayed in the dorms. Now THAT took me back to the beginning.

May We Please the Sea (yes, my first book, still that same book I’ve been talking about) is currently out with nine agents who are reading it. That means I could end up with nine offers.

Or none.

But that’s more interest from potential agents than I ever had before!

a woman smiling on a Zoom meeting screen with a scuba diver as her background and a word doc with text above her for reference as she reads it — Preparing for a virtual agent pitch. I set my video background to me scuba diving in the San Francisco aquarium, which is where I came up with the idea

So, for now, I have no news. Only a change in perspective:

We spend so much time looking ahead and feeling bad about what we have yet to accomplish, that it’s easy to forget how far we’ve come.

None of us are at Square One.

Maybe I’ll be back with news of a new agent, or maybe I’ll be zero for nine.

Either way, I’m working on my next book.

And maybe, just maybe, despite the lack of exciting announcements from me, you’ll find this inspiring.

What else have I been up to? I…

moderated a friend’s book launch
harvested my first onions, garlic, and strawberries from the garden
cried at a wedding during the father daughter dance
completed a 60-mile bike race (and got an impressive thigh and upper arm tan)
sliced my thumb on a veggie chopper and learned many others have done the same
planted banana trees, a fig tree, a peach tree, a cherry tree
built a fence
spent a lot of Author Energy on pitching, and finally, slowly, wrote the first ten chapters of my next book

Books I Won’t Shut Up About Recently:

The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker:

I’ve been hosting a monthly authors group at my house for over a year now, and this book is what inspired it / helped me create the structure for the day-long event. I know it works because my guests keep coming back!

Favorite take-away: Be a benevolent dictator. Provide structure.

Buy "The Art of Gathering"

The Art of Mingling by Jeanne Martinet:

This book isn’t as mind-blowing as The Art of Gathering was for me, but it was a good refresher and confidence boost before going into a series of networking events.

My favorite take-away: how to escape a long-winded talker (but I can’t tell you in case I use it on you, mwahah)

Buy "The Art of Mingling"